"1. If you like someone, wait.
2. Give lots of compliments, even if you’re shy. Everyone else is too.
3. Change. Get a haircut, try new perfume, get new sheets. Become better than you were before.
4. Eat healthier. Learn to cook something fancy.
5. Get up earlier and watch the sun come up.
6. Wear soft clothes, take a bath, drink something warm.
7. Meet someone new, even just a friend.
8. Become closer with your friends and your family. Call your mother. Cry with your best friend. Tell everyone how much you appreciate them.
9. Keep your room clean. Buy some candles. Let the natural light in.
10. Make a list of reasons why you’ll be better off without them. Believe they are true, because they are.
11. Listen to new music.
12. Write everything you’re thinking and feeling. Write letters. Write happy letters, sad letters, and angry letters, even if you’re never going to send them.
13. It’s okay to be sad, but not forever. Sadness is not as beautiful as music makes it seem. Lack of sleep makes your eyes droopy, not deep. Wake up every morning and tell yourself you’re going to have a good day.
14. Go to the library. Don’t forget to look in the music section.
15. Remove them from your life. Get rid of the things they gave you if they make you sad. They’re not worth it. You will never be happy if you continue to hold on to the things that make you sad.
16. Make new memories.
17. Try to find something to appreciate in everything you do or experience.
18. Being alone is okay, you don’t have to surround yourself with people.
19. Become your own best friend. Buy yourself coffee and drink it alone in a cafe. Take your time.
20. Learn to love every bit of yourself."
How to feel better and become better by me (x)

Today I accept my obvious impermanence in the lives of the people I love and care about. And that I won’t always be the sun or rainbow.

Oftentimes, I need to be reminded of where I stand.

Today I realized that I have nothing but my demons to offer.

Temporarily Appropriated

Of sodium lamp posts

Of warm blankets and wet pillows

Of bath tubs and warm showers

Of aspirins and glasses of water

Of half eaten soups

Of untouched breakfasts

Of time spent on knitting

Of two nights and three days vacation

Of flames turning to ember

Of being stoned then sober

Of unnamed spice jars

Of huge, full wardrobes

Of books without bookmarks nor dog ears

Of songs played on loop

Of cathedrals and rib cages

Of bones and muscles in a wringer

Of appropriately incomplete grocery lists

Of movie tickets

Of countless minutes dreaming with naked eyes

I really don’t mind being forgotten.

   Morning came slow and quiet, breathing daylight into this yet another stranger’s bedroom. I found myself alone with a slight hangover and decided to stay in bed a little longer. The digital bedside clock read 8:06, late for my usual departure for one night stands. I must have taken too many shots from last night’s party. For many months now, my mornings usually comprised of waking up in someone else’s bed, sneaking out, and making my way home from a strange neighborhood. Every once in a while, I’d find myself in a squalid tenement apartment in a locality of dubious reputation. Sometimes I’d be surprised to wake up beside a naked man; fortunate to discover that I don’t suffer a sore behind. But just like every morning, I normally see myself out with the sole intention of keeping my anonymity.

   Today was different. The sun beat me to my game and my host was up. I looked around the room to remember who it was. To my left was the bedside table where the digital clock sat and next to it was a photo frame. I picked it up and saw a picture of a straight-haired brunette girl with dark brown eyes and light brown cheeks, smiling happily beside a dark-haired man with beautiful curly locks, caramel eyes and same healthy shade of brown as her cheeks. I couldn’t remember meeting her so I replaced the photo on the table and continued exploring the room with my eyes: two abstract paintings on the wall on this side of the room, a thick wooden door across the bed, a huge sleek wooden wardrobe with sliding doors just beside the door, another painting, and a desk full of books and neatly stacked notes and documents facing a huge window. It was probably one of the most decent places I have ever crashed into.

   Outside, the sky was blue with fine cottony strips of clouds. I decided to take a look and realized that my clothes were missing. I searched under the bed and sheets to no avail. Then I noticed a folded blue towel on the chair by the desk. I got out of bed and walked towards it in stark nakedness. I reached the chair and saw that the view from the window was beautiful. I could see the port, the luxury hotels, the malls, and other establishments from up there. I was in the thirty second floor of a decent condominium in the fancy part of the city and the scenery was refreshing from the usual nondescript view out of my own apartment.

   I raised my arms to stretch and rested my hands on each side of the window, quietly admiring the view and enjoying the idyllic moment. I didn’t know how long she had been standing by the door but I realized that I wasn’t alone when the smell of honey and pancakes wafted into the room. I turned towards her, still naked, and greeted her a good morning. She laughed when I bantered about her stealing my clothes. She had a nice laugh and I immediately liked her. I quickly covered myself with the ignored towel and followed her to breakfast. Her place was spacious with windows charitably letting in soft light. I saw my clothes neatly folded on the leather sofa. But she ushered my to the table before I even turned to reach them.

   Breakfast was fun. She was very jocular and insouciant and I’ve never laughed that much for so long without the help of alcohol. We were still eating breakfast and I was still sitting half naked in her dining table when it was time for lunch. I told her that I’d just take a quick shower and head right out. She reached out for my hand and asked if I wanted to stay until the New Year because she’d be all alone in this beautiful place. I asked about the guy in the photo. She said it was her boyfriend and that he was working in another country and wouldn’t be back for seven months.

   I declined her offer and went off to the shower where she followed me. The one quick shower I intended to do immediately turned into two long rounds of intercourse with warm water raining down on us. I knew she was lonely but I’d never make that mistake again of being someone else’s escape.

   Towelled and fully clothed, I knocked on her bedroom door before going in and caught her sitting on the chair, staring off into the distant horizon. I thanked her for being a good host and bid my farewell. She smiled wanly and offered to see me to the elevator. I gladly accepted and we walked in silence on the way out. When the elevator came, she awkwardly asked if she could see me again. I held the elevator door and thought for a second. She quickly followed it with a request to know my name. I let go of the elevator doors and smiled forlornly. I watched her as she waited for my answer. Then the doors closed and the elevator started its descent, never to take me back up.

ianysus:

Wag i-mind ang last part hahahsa k.
Advance merry christmas guys! :)

*grins*

A Mockery to Sexetry

notice how I’m

subtly

telling you

to

go

down

on me

and taste heaven

beyond your imagination

you envision your legs spread

wide apart as you fuel your fantasies

with furtive lewd glances

to my chest

and fat-free

well-sculpted abs

we sink deeper into debauchery

as I thrust further into you,

and we both exult

in our so-called

discreet dissoluteness.